She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
