I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
