oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
