I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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