Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize