Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
