It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
