I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
