what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
