goodnight i made you a song goodbye
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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