New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
