I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
