sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
