i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
