Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
