Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
