I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
