Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
