I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
