I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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