I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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