I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
