I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
