im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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