I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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