East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
