normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
