Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
