I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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