I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
