i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
