She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
