Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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