I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
