at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
