You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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