she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
