there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
