you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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