you traded sex for a burrito?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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