His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
