so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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