Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
