You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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