His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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