My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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