I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
