Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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