Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
