im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
