Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
