she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
