He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
