I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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