just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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