I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
