She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
